Featured Image Credit: Getty Images/Jacob Wackerhausen
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Social Media
Gerrard Kaonga
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Social Media
A man confessed to having an ‘imaginary affair’ with a co-worker and sharing this intimate revelation online resulted in a furious debate.
Getting relationships to work is tough, especially when infidelity is involved but one man has left people scratching their heads as he remarked that he is having an ‘imaginary affair’.
Now while you might not hear the term very regularly... or ever, it is somewhat self explanatory.
In a post on Twitter to the Fesshole page, the anonymous man let people in on his little secret.
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He wrote: “I think a girl in the office fancies me. She's 20 years younger than me. Obviously, I'm probably imagining it, and I have no intention of cheating on my wife.
“Hasn't stopped me losing 5kg since the delusions started though. Imaginary affairs are the secret to weight loss.”
Now while the confession may have been a little tongue in cheek, the response the man got was rather mixed, to say the least.
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Some argued it wasn’t the biggest of deals as long as the man didn’t act on the woman’s supposed feelings towards him.
Others, however, were more critical and insisted the act of losing weight was a red flag.
One person commented: ”It’s not imaginary if you lost the weight for her but not for your wife."
Another added: “Nope, nope. She doesn't. It's not Impossible, but it's highly improbable. This is surely self evident. Your fantasy is a red flag and I think you know it."
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A third wrote: “This is like someone buying a hood, a gun and spending 3 months inside a bank lobby drawing camera positions and saying 'its a fake robbery'."
However beyond the potential infidelity, other people got rather personal attacking the man for believing the younger woman was the least bit interested in him in the first place.
One critical person commented: “You are such a clown lad, a younger woman chatting to you, being nice or laughing at your jokes, (That's what I presume the extent of her ‘Fancying’ you is) isn't her being down bad for you. Grow up, you should've lost weight for your wife if anyone.”
With another adding: “Learnt my lesson not to be friendly and polite with older men at work because to them friendly means flirty. You're probably deluded.”
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So yes, hardly the response the anonymous man was expecting... but some advice to take away from this is he probably should focus on his health goals for himself and his wife rather than the woman at work.
Experts have previously spoken out on the signs someone could be about to cheat on you (no, not the imaginary type, the real deal).
Marriage and family therapist Elizabeth Winkler wrote about the signs in an op-ed for the MailOnline to help catch a cheater:
"Unlike a one-time lapse in judgment, this type of infidelity comes from an uncontrollable cycle where the individual feels compelled to seek new connections or experiences, regardless of the consequences," the marriage expert wrote.
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"For those struggling with this addiction, the behavior is rarely about love, lust or dissatisfaction in their existing relationship, but instead reflects an attempt to temporarily fill an emotional void.
"Unfortunately, the relief doesn't last long and is usually followed by shame and a return to the same destructive cycle."
The therapist detailed how validation like being 'seen and wanted' triggers the release of dopamine, which of course is the pleasure hormone.
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Speaking of it, Winkler explained: "[It] plays a powerful role in sexual dynamics, giving those who cheat a rush that temporarily fills an emotional void.
"As with all drugs, however, that feeling eventually wears off – and something more powerful is needed the next time.
"This cycle of cheating – chasing the 'high' – is common among individuals with narcissistic tendencies, where the external validation they get from sexual attention soothes an inner emptiness."
Winkler wrote: "We all carry some level of undigested emotional pain from childhood, a time when we didn't have the capacity to fully feel or heal. But if that trauma was big enough – perhaps your partner experienced neglect or grief at a particularly young age – those unresolved scars can affect adult relationships too.
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"If you know that your partner experienced a notable trauma in their youth, be aware they may turn to cheating as an adult to help shield themselves from future pain.
"Think of it as consciously blowing up something good in order to avoid another uncontrolled and painful ending."
She went on to explain that 'working through years-old wounds' is key, and doing so as a couple is essential for a happy marriage.
"On the surface, she appeared to be thriving, but deep down, she felt unworthy of both her professional and personal success," she explained.
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"The affair became a way for her to manage the 'inevitable' disaster – even though it was self-inflicted."
Self-sabotage often stems from unresolved grief or insecurity, causing someone to unconsciously undermine their happiness.
Winkler writes: "You've likely heard someone say: 'He's emotionally unavailable.' This phrase frequently comes up when discussing infidelity, since cheaters are often described by their partners – and sometimes by the mistress too – as emotionally distant.
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"The root of this behavior often lies in what therapists call an avoidant attachment style.
"Developed in the late 1950s by UK psychotherapist John Bowlby, 'attachment theory' describes four kinds of emotional bond that people tend to form with others depending on the relationship they had as a child with their very first caregiver."