Topics: Drugs, Mental Health, Religion, Health
Warning: This article contains discussion of drug use and self harm which some readers may find distressing.
An onlooker who witnessed a 20-year-old woman tearing out her own eyes, while under the influence of drugs, heard her screaming some disturbing words in the process.
Kaylee Muthart, from Anderson, South Carolina, had been high on crystal meth - 'a larger dose than [she'd] ever used before' - when she began attacking her own eyes with her bare hands on February 6, 2018.
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The 20-year-old had been using recreational drugs since she was 18 years old, beginning with cannabis before she began experimenting with meth.
On the morning of February 6, she was still high from the hit she'd taken the day before, and began hallucinating as she wandered towards a church along a railroad track.
In an article written for Cosmopolitan, Kaylee recalled everything looking 'dark and gloomy' as she was suddenly struck by the thought that she had to 'sacrifice something important to right the world'.
"I thought everything would end abruptly, and everyone would die, if I didn't tear out my eyes immediately. I don't know how I came to that conclusion, but I felt it was, without doubt, the right, rational thing to do immediately," she said.
Kaylee recalled trying to resist the feeling as she prayed and asked: "Why me? Why do I have to do this?"
She only felt the urge more strongly when a man she'd been staying with drove by and called out: "I locked up the house. Do you have the other key?"
For Kaylee, this was a 'sign' that her sacrifice was the 'key' to saving the world.
She then recalled pushing her fingers into her eyes and pulling until they popped out of the socket.
"It felt like a massive struggle, the hardest thing I ever had to do. Because I could no longer see, I don't know if there was blood," she recalled.
As she continued, a pastor nearby heard Kaylee screaming out.
While clawing out her eyes, plunging herself into blindness, she was shouting: "I want to see the light!"
The pastor managed to restrain Kaylee, but by the time he got to her she was already holding her eyeballs in her hands.
After she was restrained, Kaylee was rushed to hospital where doctors performed an emergency surgery to remove what was left of her eyes. She woke up two days later, blind, but knowing that she would be 'okay'.
Looking back on the incident in her article, Kaylee said that while she had to get used to life without her vision, she's 'happier now' than she lost her sight.
"It took losing my sight to get me back on the right path, but from the bottom of my heart, I'm so glad I'm here," she said.
If you want friendly, confidential advice about drugs, you can call American Addiction Centers on (313) 209-9137 24/7, or contact them through their website.
