A group of senior men and women who've been around the block have pooled together their wisdom to share with younger adults on what they should be looking out for in a relationship.
And apparently, there are 25 subtle signs that are seemingly a dead giveaway that 'a marriage won't last', or at least according to elder Reddit users who took to the social media platform after one person posed a question.
It read: "Do you know any currently divorced couple that you just knew they would eventually separate? What are the telltale signs a marriage is not 'making it'?"
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Without further ado, let's get into it - each quote from the below 25 signs is credited to a Reddit user.
1. Rude comments
"They make rude comments about eachother in front of guests, which is very awkward to be around. They'll speak nastily (is that a word?) about the other partner all the time to friends/ family/ coworkers. They'll have emotional affairs on their partner & claim 'Oh, he/she/they are just a friend'."
2. Lovey-lovey social media posts
This second one kind of contradicts the first.... "The ones who post constantly on social media about how wonderful each other are, ‘love you to the moon and back’ 'No, I love you more’ etc is always a red flag to me. Every single couple we know who posted like this suddenly split up. It was like ‘everything's perfect’ one day, and one of them has moved out the next day."
3. Orgy with wedding guests
"Well, a big telltale sign for my cousin’s failed marriage was that, right before my speech at the reception, another bridesmaid told me that the entire wedding party had an orgy the night before. That was fun giving a speech after that information. I don’t even think the marriage lasted three months."
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4. Taking up running
"When one person takes up some sort of endurance athletic sport, I start to get worried. I know multiple couples where one partner took up long-distance running, biking, or triathlons, and divorce followed not terribly long after. I'm guessing that endurance athletics are a way of escaping things at home rather than the cause of marital strife (although meeting fun new people who are excited about the same cool new thing you're excited about probably doesn't help any)."
5. Big wedding
"My social circle is in our forties and fifties. The bigger the wedding, the messier the divorce."
6. 'Rushing into a marriage'
"I know three divorced couples. The biggest clue they all had in common was rushing into a marriage a couple of months after meeting. When asked why the rush, every single one of them applied the same logic: 'She is my soulmate!' Two of those divorces are the same guy; apparently, he found two soulmates."
7. Tattoos
"Every person I ever knew that got their spouse's name tattooed on them ended up divorced."
8. Controlling the thermostat
"Right after the wedding, she moved in, and he would not give her the password for the thermostat."
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9. BFF's gut feeling
"My BFF got married to someone I dated before her (we were in our early 20s). I didn’t care they dated; we broke up amicably, but I begged her not to marry him because he was an alcoholic who was 10 years older than us, previously married, with two kids. I was a bridesmaid at their wedding because I loved her, but I knew it wouldn’t last. Thank god it didn’t last."
10. Relationship therapy... for ONE
"About a year after my friend got married, he told me that he was in therapy to work on their issues. He was in therapy. Just him. They made it about five years longer than I thought they would, but yeah, they're divorced now."
11. Lack of respect
"A lack of respect between the parties. I usually see this in the way they treat each other in conversation. Especially corrosive are digs at each other, sarcastic or straightforward, in front of others. A lack of affection and smiles. Of course, if one person expresses either fear of a spouse or of an affair, that means rocky shores straight ahead."
12. Separate vacations
"My son and daughter-in-law started taking separate vacations. The divorce was about two years later. For the record, I kept the daughter-in-law; she's a sweetheart."
13. Cheaters will always be cheaters
"My cousin married a guy who cheated on her several times while they were dating and engaged. I set the over/under at three years. I took the under, and I won. It lasted two years because she caught him twice, but I know there were more. I just didn’t want to get involved, and I felt that she knew who he was when she picked him."
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14. Messy wedding
"The entire wedding party getting so s***faced that there are people vomiting at the reception, bridesmaids crying on the bathroom floor, total insanity. The two weddings I’ve been to like this both ended in cheating and divorce."
15. Joking about domestic abuse
"When the groom toasted the bride at the reception and said he initially didn't like her because she 'never shut up,' but she was 'learning to put a sock in it now,' then turned and 'jokingly' pretended to backhand her. To the guests' credit, nobody laughed; instead, there was awkward silence. They divorced eight weeks later."
16. Vow renewals
"Telltale sign that marriage is kaput: when the couple has an elaborate, showy vow renewal ceremony and celebration. They distract themselves by planning the event. After the last guest leaves and the party’s over, it’s back to reality, and the marriage is still s****y."
17. Talking about people you find attractive
"My sister kept talking up her favorite male co-workers to the point of annoyance. It was obvious she was in the market for another man, and sure enough, she dumped her husband. I liked him better than the new guy."
18. Saver vs spender
"Different views on money. If one is a saver and the other is a spender, the marriage is doomed."
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19. Chatting behind your spouse's back
"As soon as someone starts talking trash about someone behind their back, I figure that the expiration date on that relationship, no matter the nature of it, has expired. It's like an announcement."
20. Spending big on latest trends
"When our kids were in school, there were parents who had everything! They drove big SUVs, and they and their kids always had the latest fashions. Their kids had smartphones, and when their kids turned 16, they got a nice car. Maybe not brand new, but nice! My husband and I would exchange looks as they made their grand entrance into whatever activity our kids were all involved in."
21. Teamwork
"My wife and I would invite other couples to go canoeing with us. We had a 100% accuracy in predicting marital success based on the level of cooperation and recrimination during the outing."
22. Frequent arguments even before marriage
"My sister and ex-brother-in-law fought all the time before they married, got in a fight AT their wedding reception and shut it down, then lasted a few years before he cheated and they divorced. If your dating years are tumultuous, it will NOT get any better."
23. Controlling in-laws
"My brother married an only child who is very close to her parents. Her parents were at their house all the time. He didn’t just marry the girl. He married the girl and her parents. As a couple, and later with kids, they never had the chance to form and grow as their own family unit because the controlling grandparents were always involved. The marriage lasted 25 years and failed as soon as the kids were grown. I knew it would fail about two years after they got married. The marriage was too crowded."
24. Talking down to your spouse
"I know this guy who always talked down to his wife. It was really uncomfortable to be around them because he treated her like she was a child. She only stayed with him about a year."
25. Hiding money before the wedding
"I was the best man at my best friend's wedding 30+ years ago. A few weeks before the wedding, he called and asked if he could put money his fiancé didn’t know about in an account under my name. Told me he’d give me money to pay the taxes on it. This was early 1990, and he wanted to hide about $40,000. I told him I wasn’t comfortable doing that, and he was cool with it. I knew at that point the marriage wouldn’t last."
So there you go, heed the elders' advice - it may help with your own relationship.
Topics: Reddit, Sex and Relationships, US News
Joe Yates