A medical expert has weighed in on a masturbation phenomenon, revealing how it can cause major ‘frustration’ in your future sexual relationships.
There really is no ‘normal’ amount of masturbation. However, previous studies have suggested that 35.9 percent of people with penises pleasure themselves at least once per week.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, masturbation can help reduce stress, improve sleep, and even serve as light pain relief — but it has its downsides too.
Dr Rena Malik, a urologist, pelvic surgeon and sex educator, said that people who masturbate with a so-called ‘death grip’ may find their relationships are negatively impacted.
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In January 2024, the expert uploaded a YouTube video titled: ‘Everything You need To Know About Death Grip, Explained by a Urologist’, which has racked up over 256,000 views since it was posted.
What is a 'death grip'?
“‘Death Grip’ is essentially using a very firm and aggressive grip during the time of masturbation,” she explained in the long-form content.
“This is thought to lead to some sort of desensitisation of the penis where essentially things that used to be pleasurable, for example, intercourse or penal-vaginal intercourse, no longer feel good enough or strong enough to make you climax.”
Dr Malik said that this firm grip, coupled with a preferred technique and an intense schedule, can lead to what is known as ‘idiosyncratic masturbation’.
What is 'idiosyncratic masturbation'?
This self-stimulation is not easily duplicated by a partner’s hand, mouth, or vagina and it can lead to delayed ejaculation (DE) for people with penises, as per Michael A. Perelman, a Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, Reproductive Medicine, and Urology at the NY Weill Cornell Medicine/New York Presbyterian.
With idiosyncratic masturbation, you may also experience difficulty in getting and maintaining erections with a sexual partner, which can cause frustration and relationship issues, Dr Malik warned.
“When you're in a relationship it can be devastating, because you're now having difficulty getting erections with someone who presumably you really like, you want to have sex with, you want to pleasure them and to be pleasured, and you can't get it,” she explained.
Unfortunately, many people who employ death grip don’t meet with urologists for help because they are ‘embarrassed’, the expert added.
How you can improve relationship with masturbation
Anyone with mood disorders such as depression or OCD are advised to address them before tackling masturbatory habits, as they can ‘really contribute to self-soothing’, according to Dr Malik.
Similarly, you want to make sure that you don’t have a real urologic issue, such as genital numbness, before you begin on rewriting your relationship with masturbation.
After being evaluated to ‘make sure there’s nothing else that’s going on that can be corrected medically’, Dr Malik said you should do a self-assessment to figure out why you’re masturbating.
For example, if you’re self-pleasuring because you’re bored, the health advisor explained that you should find something else to do, such as going to the gym, walking, or seeing friends.
After your self-assessment, Dr Malik said that you should completely stop masturbating.
'Be as mindful as possible'
She did not specify how long you need to keep your hands away from your genitals, but when you resume, you should start by using a very loose grip.
“Try to explore all of your genitals. Don't just focus on the penile shaft or the head, explore on all of it,” Dr Malik said.
“Be as mindful as possible, focus on the sensations you're having... Really focus on how it feels, how your body is enjoying the pleasure.”
The professional said that over time, you will eventually reach the point where you can masturbate again regularly, and probably find joy in sex again.
Topics: Health, Sex and Relationships, YouTube
Ella Scott