Expert reveals the subtle signs your partner is cheating on you and how to spot them
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Domestic Abuse
Joe Yates
Featured Image Credit: Getty Stock
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Domestic Abuse
Finding out you're being cheated on by the person you've shared the rawest version of yourself with has to be the worst feeling in the world.
You might just put it down to annoying habit changes - which are also considered a form of unfaithfulness, known as 'micro-cheating'.
However, sometimes it may not be obvious as to why your partner has decided to do the unthinkable, so the best way to defend yourself from further heartache is to know what subtle signs your partner may be making that hint they are cheating on you.
To help you with this journey, UK-based psychotherapist Bhavna Raithatha, has detailed the four signals that suggest your partner is having an affair.
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This is up to the discretion of your relationship so you've kind of have to gauge this for yourself, and the best way to do so is to recall how they used to engage with their device.
Did they used to leave it lying around and not bothering too much if it buzzed, but now all of a sudden, they won't let it leave their pocket - and have even changed the pin?
"If they listened to things or called people on loudspeaker but now it's hushed voices," she explained to The Daily Mail.
"What they're doing is shutting their life down, layer by layer by layer from their current partner.
"Affairs don't just suddenly happen, it's a multi-step process."
Okay, there's actually two indications under this 'sign' that point towards a deceitful spouse.
The psychotherapist explained that if you were once sexually active on a regular basis, and then all of a sudden it fizzles out to nothing, then it's possibly a sign that he or she may have found intimacy elsewhere.
Then there's the other way around, and you might think this is a bit barmy... but if your 'lover' is engaging in coitus more than usual then they may be using you as sexual relief.
Raithatha said: "'Intimacy is physical and emotional. What you've been sharing with your partner is very sacred. It really bonds us. With an affair, you have an increased libido, for this reason you become like a Duracell bunny.
"And partners, who may temporarily feel guilty about this [cheating], redirect this heightened sex drive towards their current partner.
"But it may just be a physical release to release tension — not emotional."
She continued: "Many of my clients have realised that their partner is having an affair when they're making love.
"Suddenly their partner is simply just going through the motions, there's no eye contact for example and this is heartbreaking."
A few of Raithatha's clients have shared how their partner began snapping at them far quicker than before when challenged on their behavior, and she has suggested that one of the potential signs is if they're overly aggressive.
"When they start slamming doors or putting their fists through plasterboard and become threatening, it's to frighten you to stay quiet," she said.
"They don't want you going and telling extended family members for instance or friends.
"If your partner is becoming challenging, it's self protection, because they don't want to be found out. It's their secret. They know there will be repercussions."
We're all familiar with the terminology these days, but if you aren't, it is a form of emotional abuse in which a person is fed false information that leads them to questions their memory and perception of events.
But the psychotherapist says they are instead projecting their wrongdoing on to you, adding: "They are the ones in the wrong having the affair, but they're blaming you. They're putting you under the microscope.
"They may say things like, 'Oh you smell nice, you're dressing nice, you're eating better, why is that? Who is that for?'
"And this is devastating. You may feel like you're losing your mind because of it.
"They're projecting their insecurities onto you.
"They will also do this in public, so at the pub or in a restaurant, for example, in front of your friends. They want to sow the seed of doubt in front of everyone. They're gathering a crowd, drip feeding them lies."