People are now using the 'gray rock technique' to end relationships
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Dylan Murray
Featured Image Credit: Janina Steinmetz/Tim Robberts
Topics: Sex and Relationships
People engaged in modern dating are likely to be well aware that, while breakups are frequent, they're oftentimes done in roundabout ways that some may find impolite.
While ghosting someone you are dating has become a common way of cutting ties, people are finding even more new ways to break up with the people they are seeing without having to say the words outright.
Jana Hocking of the New York Post revealed a trick that she has learned to avoid having difficult conversations with people she is seeing, and instead getting them to back off without having to say a word.
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She calls it the 'gray rock' method, and while she is among the first to give it a name and put it into writing, it’s something that you or someone you know may have done before to end a relationship in a sly and cheeky way.
“This is a trick psychologists use to stop arguments. Just like a (literal) gray rock is dull and boring, you adopt these qualities to repel someone,” Hocking explained.
Contrary to ghosting, the grey rock technique doesn’t include you cutting off contact with the person you’re seeing but rather continuing to talk to them in a dull and unexciting way.
Hocking laid out the hypothetical like this: “Say you’ve been on a couple of dates with someone, and you suddenly realize they’re not for you… You simply become a gray rock. When they text you next, you just respond with something dull like ‘haha’ or ‘thanks.’"
“You don’t ask questions back and you certainly don’t initiate conversation.”
One way to look at this strategy is by thinking about what happens when you do the exact opposite of it. The more engaged in conversations you are while dating someone, the more likely they are to think you want to continue.
Intuitively, becoming 'dry' when texting or speaking to someone is a pretty safe bet to show you aren’t interested in them.
“The person becomes so bored with you, they’ll end up kicking you to the curb, and, best of all, they will think it’s their idea,” Hocking continued.
While Hocking goes on to suggest this method is, according to her, 'far better than ghosting,' she also notes that this should only be used in the early stages of a relationship rather than with someone you’ve been seeing exclusively for a long period of time.
“I obviously wouldn’t advise doing this with someone you are exclusively dating,” Hocking says, “That’s just bad form.”