Featured Image Credit: Dmitrii Marchenko/fizkes/Getty Images
Topics: Psychology, Sex and Relationships
Ellie Kemp
Topics: Psychology, Sex and Relationships
Modern dating can be a major headache, whether you're meeting matches through the dreaded apps or out in the wild.
The unwritten rules of love can be exhausting, from attempting to catch red flags early on, to wondering how often you should text your new crush.
Then, out of nowhere, you meet someone great; an electric first few dates, seemingly mutual attraction and great communication. Get in!
But these things often end in an all-too-familiar story. Overnight, a switch is flipped, and conversation is like getting blood out of a stone.
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Their once-animated replies are now blunt and dry, leaving you to wonder what on earth has changed.
Turns out there's a name for this - and it's a pretty common way of ending a relationship without straight-up ghosting.
Jana Hocking, of news.com.au, was one of the first to put the 'gray rock technique' into writing.
While Hocking explained it's a method she's successfully used to stop dates progressing in the past, she's also been on the receiving end of it.
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She said: “This is a trick psychologists use to stop arguments. Just like a (literal) gray rock is dull and boring, you adopt these qualities to repel someone.”
Contrary to ghosting, the gray rock technique doesn’t include you cutting off contact with the person you’re seeing but rather continuing to talk to them in a dull and unexciting way.
Hocking laid out the hypothetical like this: “Say you’ve been on a couple of dates with someone, and you suddenly realize they’re not for you… You simply become a gray rock. When they text you next, you just respond with something dull like ‘haha’ or ‘thanks.’
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“You don’t ask questions back and you certainly don’t initiate conversation.”
Intuitively, becoming 'dry' when texting or speaking to someone is a pretty safe bet to show you aren’t interested in them.
“The person becomes so bored with you, they’ll end up kicking you to the curb, and, best of all, they will think it’s their idea,” Hocking continued.
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The next time your date changes up and gives you dry responses, consider yourself dumped. You might have dodged a bullet anyway; wouldn't you rather date someone who possesses the emotional maturity to communicate with you directly?
While Hocking goes on to suggest this method is, according to her, 'far better than ghosting', she also notes that this should only be used in the early stages of a relationship rather than with someone you’ve been seeing exclusively for a long period of time.
“I obviously wouldn’t advise doing this with someone you are exclusively dating,” Hocking added. “That’s just bad form.”