Featured Image Credit: Getty Images/MoMo Productions
Topics: Parenting, Sex and Relationships
Ffion Jarvis
Topics: Parenting, Sex and Relationships
Experts have revealed a few key phrases that could change your marriage for the better.
As much as we might try, managing your social life, work, and potentially children, along with your relationship, is not easy. It is all about balance, as they say.
However, as much as you might feel you need a break, you may end up giving yourself even more work by micro-managing everything your partner does.
According to the British Psychological Society, it often tends to be women who take the brunt of the 'mental load' of the relationship, with the unequal division of household labour being a huge factor.
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Statistics reported by researchers from the universities of Bath and Melbourne showed that 71 per cent of women with children in the US handled the vast majority of household tasks compared to 45 per cent of fathers, with this gap being especially wide when it came to daily jobs like childcare and cleaning, as women handled 79 per cent while men did 37 per cent.
However, according to the study, mothers reported a disproportionate amount of divided labour, while fathers felt it was equally shared.
If you are someone who feels like the weight of the 'mental load' is on your shoulders, experts suggest adding this phrase to your daily communication.
Jessica Koosed Etting, founder and CEO of Jam, has opened up about lessening the mental load and discussed the one phrase you will want to add to your vocabulary: "Can you take the mental lead on this one?"
Now, it might sound like the perfect getaway excuse when you want to have five minutes to yourself instead of stressing out over the shopping list, but it can have an even bigger knock-on effect.
Dr. Montminy, a behavioural scientist and author of the book Finding Focus, joined Etting in an interview with PureWow, and explained that the 'invisible load' isn't simply just about tallying who unloads the dishwasher more than the other, however.
She said: "The invisible load isn’t just about scheduling, it’s about holding the responsibility in your head. By asking your partner to take the mental lead, you’re not just delegating tasks; you’re shifting ownership.
"It signals: 'I trust you to carry this, not just execute it'. That small shift in language can rebalance the mental load and create a real partnership.
Now that you know what you should say, let's have a look at the phrase you should not be saying: "It's easier to just do it myself."
Yes, this might be your immediate response, but perhaps think before you speak next time, as this kind of spoken negativity can exacerbate the imbalance that is driving you to exhaustion in the first place.
As Etting says, a phrase like that will make your partner less likely to do whatever task it was again, therefore making your mental exhaustion more of an issue down the line.
Instead, it's recommended that you positively recognize and communicate how that has made you feel, like if your partner has finally taken the trash out, for instance.
Etting commented: "We're more inclined to stick to a habit if we know someone is counting us."