Warning: This article contains discussion of alcoholism and sexual abuse which some readers may find distressing.
Specialists have suggested a handful of ‘red flags’ you should take notice of when it comes to dating, including communication difficulties and love-bombing.
A relationship red flag is categorized as a warning sign, and it's supposed to alert you to something being ‘off’ about the person you’re seeing.
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Experts claim that while some negative aspects can be ignored, more serious situations, such as being controlled, should be dealt with accordingly.
While it can be difficult to identify these actions in the throes of a relationship, InStyle has made use of the knowledge of three dating gurus to detail exactly why you should never ignore these nine red flags.
They include gaslighting, jealous behavior, and general abuse.
Difficulty communicating
If your partner has stopped replying to your messages or appears to be busy while speaking to you, then this could mean they’re ‘disconnected or distracted', according to Dr. Jessica January Behr, a licensed clinical psychologist.
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Everyone has different conversation styles, including both passive and aggressive communication, so it is worth chatting with your partner to see if issues can be resolved before throwing in the towel.
Negative relationships with friends and relatives
If you’re close to your immediate and extended family and meet someone who isn’t, then this could be a serious dealbreaker.
Dr. Behr notes that this, alongside having poor relationships with friends, could be a major ‘cause for concern’.
Love-bombing
Love-bombing is a type of emotional manipulation which is disguised as affection and attention.
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Web MD writes that signs of love-bombing include your SO becoming irrationally jealous, and perhaps making grandiose gestures, or purchasing expensive gifts—only to reject you later on.
Love-bombing is also usually part-and-parcel with other toxic relationship ‘red flags’, such as gaslighting and controlling behavior.
Image on the internet is everything
Anyone who is obsessed with their social media presence could be a walking-talking red flag, writes Logan Ury, dating expert and Director of Relationship Science at Hinge.
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According to the specialist, this could allude to a person being insecure or self-absorbed, which 74 percent of Hinge users see as a turn off.
Controlling or jealous behavior
There are many forms of coercive and controlling behavior, including isolation and excessive time monitoring and controlling your finances to an unhealthy extent.
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This relationship ‘red flag’ can be a serious sign of emotional abuse down the line, reports Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and the CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking.
And while Verywell Mind writes that jealousy can sometimes be healthy and contribute to greater feelings of love and stability in a relationship, it can also cause anxiety and promote poor self-esteem.
Over-the-top and emotional responses
People who fly off the handle or display over-the-top emotions when dealing with simple situations could be a red flag.
“Responding with uncontrollable rage or the 'silent treatment' could point to abusive behavior in the future (physical or emotional)", says Trombetti.
Addictions
Living with or dating someone who is addicted to alcohol or various substances can be extremely difficult.
According to experts, one of the first things you need to do is to have a serious conversation about their addictions, and if they refuse help, then understand this could be a deal-breaker.
There are steps you can take to help your spouse, friend or potential flame, with Recovery Village stating you could restrict the amount of access they have to money and understanding they won’t just be able to ‘quit’.
Gaslighting
Medical News Today identifies gaslighting as a form of serious psychological abuse.
The perpetrator could cause you to believe your concerns aren’t valid, or make you question your sanity, memories, or perception of reality.
“It's just a way to blow you up and make you think you are crazy," says Trombetti.
General abusive behavior
Abuse takes many forms, including ones we’ve mentioned above, like gaslighting and controlling finances.
General abusive behavior also includes physical and sexual abuse, as well as emotional manipulation, verbal taunts, and acts that can put you in harm's way.
“These are the types of red flags that should not be resolved in the context of a relationship. If you are in harm's way, it is not a red flag; it is a stop sign," states Dr. Behr.
If you've been affected by addiction and want to speak to someone in confidence, you can call American Addiction Centers on (888) 324-0595, available 24/7, or contact them through their website.
If you are experiencing domestic violence, please know that you are not alone. You can talk in confidence 24 hours a day to the national domestic violence helpline on 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 24/7. You can find a list of local resources here.
Topics: Health, Mental Health, Sex and Relationships
Ella Scott