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Topics: Sex and Relationships, Community
Gerrard Kaonga
Dating can be an absolute minefield, whether your an amateur or pro, but an expert has revealed the common mistakes people often make on first dates.
And the worst part? People don’t even know they're making them.
Ever wondered why you didn’t end up putting your first forward and making that brilliant first impression on that date? While some people will overanalyze simply being incompatible with someone, other people will refuse to consider they did anything wrong- ‘it's you not me’... that’s the phrase isn’t it?
Well, relationship expert at DatingAdvice.com Dr. Terri Orbuch has highlighted key blunders singletons regularly make and how to... well, stop it and give yourself a chance of landing date number two.
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Speaking to the Mail Online, Dr Orbuch broke down the five mistakes.
This is an easy one to miss that you are doing. While you want to show them you are a complex and fascinating person, sometimes less is more.
Dr Orbuch said: "Many daters make the mistake of sharing too much about themselves too soon. On a first date, you want to leave them interested and wanting more."
While having chemistry in a relationship is important, real life isn't a rom-com and sometimes, things take time to develop.
If you think of some of your closest friends, you likely didn't go from being strangers to best friends within a few hours of first meeting.
Dr Orbuch added: "This is an unrealistic expectation and only typically happens in the movies. Chemistry and attraction can grow over time as you get to know someone."
She added that even if you didn’t exactly feel ‘fireworks’ it might be worth being open to a second date, unless there were clear red flags or dealbreakers.
This mistake can prove to be a little more difficult to avoid than some of the others. While past relationships might naturally come up in conversation, how you respond and talk about them will likely be picked up by your date.
While it can be difficult to do, it might be in your favor to speak about them more neutrally or even optimistically rather than getting deep into your trauma, according to the expert.
Dr Orbuch continued: "On first dates, people are attracted to daters who are positive, optimistic, and hopeful. You don’t want to share why previous relationships didn’t work and what isn’t going well right now in your life."
Similar to oversharing, going on a first date you want to paint yourself in a certain light while still being honest about the real you.
But it's important to remember this isn't a TED talk, you got to focus on the other person and ask questions about them and how they think and feel about stuff.
Dr Orbuch shared: “You want to gather information about the other person and women are particularly attracted to people who ask questions and are interested in them.”
The relationship expert insisted you shouldn't treat the first date like a job interview - instead you should try and lighten things up.
Even outside of the dating world, people tend to respond well to having a good time.
Dr. Orbuch closed by saying: "If you are too serious, the date sounds too much like a job interview, or you are so focused on whether you will marry this person [or whether you have a future with this person], your date will not go well."
So do your best, and happy dating!