Psychologists have lifted the lid on the 10 behaviors lonely women may be picking up without realizing it.
In 2023, US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy revealed the country has a loneliness epidemic - and said the problem is not something to be brushed off as a mere 'bad feeling' but as something that presents a major public health risk.
While the Covid-19 pandemic exacerbated loneliness, Murthy said about half of American adults had already reported feeling isolated - and in 2024, a poll uncovered 30 per cent of the population experiences loneliness at least once a week.
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And men and women apparently process the feeling in different ways, with women 'more likely to internalize' the problem, according to doctor Emily Guarnotta, a psychologist with Phoenix Health.
Speaking to Parade, the psychologist said women can be more inclined to believe it is 'not something they can control' and that they are lonely 'because something is wrong with them, which manifests in shame'.
"This can result in a destructive shame cycle that reinforces loneliness," she added.
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So what are the 10 behaviors that women who are lonely might be displaying without even realizing it?
Constantly busy
Doctor Michele Goldman, a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor explained how women who may seem busy all the time could be suffering in silence.
"Some people who are lonely are the busiest of women—the woman who is 'doing it all," she said.
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Dr Gayle MacBride, a psychologist with Veritas Psychology Partners, also said women who over-commit by stacking out their calendar could be another sign.
"Filling your calendar with events and obligations does not mean you feel a meaningful connection and are emotionally supported," she said.
People pleasers
Dr Guarnotta adds lonely women are more likely to try to please others in a bid to gain a connection.
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"They may always say yes and sacrifice their own needs and desires for others," she said. "This can also be perceived to be positive by others, but it could lead to burnout and resentment on the part of the people-pleaser."
Social isolation
Perhaps an obvious one on the list is social isolation, however, Dr Guarnotta says some women deliberately leave themselves out when invited to social situations, which could be a sign of their loneliness.
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"This could be because these types of situations cause her to feel anxious, or because she fears getting close to others," she said. "When she is invited to social or work functions, she may find a way to get out of them."
Surface-level relationships
Psychologists say some women might seem to have a wide social circle but struggle to keep or maintain deep and meaningful connections.
Dr Goldman explained: "Some women can make and maintain relationships fairly easily, but those relationships can be quite surface-level and superficial. These are relationships of convenience or proximity but often lack true emotional vulnerability. Even though it might appear that there is social connection, emotionality is lacking, which can lead to loneliness."
Unhealthy relationships
Doctor MacBride said lonely women are also less likely to give up toxic or draining romantic relationships, out of fear of giving up on the connections they have established.
"It can be hard to hold a boundary and walk away when you are emotionally drained but fearful of the abyss of truly being 'all alone'," she added.
Excessively positive
While you might imagine a lonely person appearing quite glum or down in the dumps, psychologists say the opposite is true in reality.
"Excessive positivity can present as always seeming in a good mood, only displaying positive emotions and being unable to tolerate more negative emotions in self or others," Dr Guarnotta said. "While—in some ways—this may be a likeable quality, it could turn some people off if they feel like it's disingenuous."
Worst critic
Meanwhile, doctor Jan Miller, a psychologist with Thriveworks, says lonely women are far harder on themselves than others.
"She may notice an increase in her internal critic or negative voice that reinforces the core belief that something is wrong with her, making her believe that is the explanation for her loneliness," she explained.
Lacking self-care
Dr Miller said a woman suffering from loneliness might neglect caring for herself, chiefly by not eating regularly or neglecting essentials like grooming or personal hobbies.
"These changes could be a reflection of depression connected to loneliness as well as an overall sense of 'why bother?'" she added.
Independence
Being an independent woman can have its pitfalls, according to Dr Guarnotta, who says lonely women might appear 'very independent' but have a tendency to use it as a shield.
She explained: "They may prefer to do things on their own rather than ask for help. If someone offers to help, they may not accept it. This keeps them from getting hurt or let down by others."
Social media posting
Finally, doom-scrolling and posting incessant Insta reels could be a real indicator that a woman is feeling disconnected.
"Hours of scrolling, binge-watching and frequent social media posting can be an attempt to replace connections," Dr MacBride added. "Some even use this to feel close to online or social media personalities."
Topics: Mental Health, Psychology, Health, Social Media, Sex and Relationships
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