In the heat of an argument, it can be easy to say things you don't mean.
But some comments can be particularly damaging to your relationship, and now, experts have weighed in on the kind of stuff you should *never* say, no matter how heated the row gets.
After all, most of us don't want to hurt our partners and we only end up regretting the things we said afterwards.
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Speaking to i News, a series of relationship experts have explained the 10 things that you should never say to your partner - under any circumstances!
1. You're overreacting
Telling your partner that they're overreacting can make them feel unheard and can even border on gaslighting.
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“Feeling unheard can lead to one partner feeling lonely and being reluctant to express their views in an open and honest way. Not being true to your authentic self can lead to resentment. In this situation, a couple never learn how to resolve conflicts in a healthy adult way," said chartered counselling psychologist Jeanette Fegan.
2. You care about football/your friends/your work more than me
This one must come up in heaps or arguments, and is often said when one partner is feeling unappreciated or neglected.
Life coach Lorena Bernal says that the statement can be particularly damaging because it creates an assumption about your partner's priorities in the relationship.
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Not only can it damage trust but it can suggest that the effort they do make isn't recognized.
3. You never listen to me
This statement can be particularly tricky because - as Lorena points out - it's often untrue.
“Beginning a conversation with what amounts to a falsehood sets a negative tone, as it immediately puts the other person on the defensive," she explained.
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This can lead to frustration, hopelessness and also eradicates any past efforts in the relationship.
4. That’s not true - you’re being ridiculous
This statement essentially invalidates your partner's feelings, which isn't a great approach if they're particularly upset over something.
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Love and relationship coach Heather Garbutt notes that it's always important to recognize how the other person is experiencing the conflict, adding that invalidating the other person's feelings will only demolish trust.
5. This is just like before, when you did X
It's easy to bring up past arguments, but it's never a good idea.
In fact, it can actually hinder the resolution of any current disagreements.
“This approach often leads to overreaction, as it compounds the emotional intensity of the present issue with unresolved feelings from previous disputes," said Lorena.
"Your partner is likely to be confused and overwhelmed by the sudden escalation, as their focus is on the immediate problem, not the historical context you’re introducing."
Instead, it's best to stay focussed on the issue in question.
6. I told you so
It's not the best line to say to anyone, never mind your partner. Neuroscientist and human behavior expert Eldin Hasa explains that the phrase implies superiority and even triggers the stress response, which isn't helpful when it comes to resolution.
Instead, focus on collaboration, not competition.
7. I don’t want to hear about it
This one is pretty self-explanatory. After all, dismissing your partner is never going to end well.
Eldin says that ignoring your partners feelings can only lead to rejection and ultimately, isolation.
8. You’re such a [insulting name]
Name calling can be tempting in an argument, but it almost always leads to regret.
Jeanette explains that it can actually have dire consequences on a relationship.
“This type of behavior also erodes the partner’s self-esteem, leading to feelings of worthlessness, and negative cognitions of ‘I’m not good enough’. When this type of behavior is constantly repeated it can make it difficult to resolve issues in a healthy constructive way," she said.
9. Why can’t you be more like X?
Comparison is the thief of joy in most situations, and especially in relationships.
“Comparing your partner to others can be hurtful and damaging,” said Eldin.
“The brain seeks individuality and uniqueness, and feeling inadequate can lead to emotional distress and strained relationships.”
10. If you don’t do X, I’ll leave
Ultimatums rarely have a happy ending and can actually be pretty toxic.
In fact, it leads to fear, control and discourages open and honest communication.
Jeanette says any concerns should be discussed openly, in order to find solutions that benefit both parties.
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Life
Lucy Devine