Dating expert warns of worrying yet subtle sign your relationship won’t last much longer
Topics: Psychology, Sex and Relationships, Life
Ellie Kemp
Featured Image Credit: Justin Paget/Getty Images
Topics: Psychology, Sex and Relationships, Life
A dating expert has revealed one tiny but damaging habit which could destroy even the strongest of relationships.
When we think about break-ups, we often assume they happen because of something major like cheating.
But sometimes relationship end slowly, as two people gradually figure out they're not all that compatible.
However, this habit could quietly drive a wedge between you and your partner, and if left unchecked, might spell the end of your time together.
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And it's something either party could be doing without even realizing: failing to respond to your partner’s 'bids' for attention.
According to The Gottman Institute, a 'bid' is 'a request to connect' and forms 'the fundamental unit of emotional communication'.
A bid can be anything, such as a comment about their day, a shared meme, a casual touch, or even a sigh.
Yet, how you respond - or don’t - matters more than you think.
Why? Well, 'ignored' bids can leave your partner feeling unnoticed, rejected and eventually emotionally disconnected.
It might result in them no longer making an effort - or further 'bids' - and before you know it, you're more like roommates than partners.
This can very often spell the beginning of the end for couples.
So, how do people accidentally become what experts call 'bid busters?' - when these 'bids' are constantly ignored?
Worryingly, it's easier than you might think - and that's thanks to our modern way of living.
Phones, work, Netflix binges, or just not being in the best mood could all be contributing factors which make us unintentionally shut down our partner’s attempts to connect.
When ignored bids happen too often, it sends out a clear message: 'I’m not interested in you.'
Even if that's not the case - and hey, we're all guilty of getting a little distracted and, if in a long-term relationship, taking our partner for granted at times.
Fortunately, there's a pretty easy bid-busting fix.
The Gottman Institute explains that there are three ways you can respond to a bid: 'turning towards' it (acknowledging the bid), 'turning away' from it (ignoring or missing the bid) or 'turning against' it (rejecting the bid in an argumentative way) - and it's how we react that's pretty make or break.
Obviously, the first option is vital - actually pay attention to your parnter.
"A tendency to turn towards your partner forms the basis of trust, emotional connection, passion, and a satisfying sex life,' the institute adds.
It makes sense - relationships thrive on mutual interest, and when you turn towards each other instead of away, the bond strengthens.
So, the next time your partner starts rambling about their latest obsession, put down your phone, make eye contact, and engage. It might just save your relationship!
The Gottman Institute concluded: "Some people think they can put their relationship on ice and then thaw it out with the occasional romantic date night.
"But relationships are built and maintained with daily attention, not grand gestures.
"Attention, intention, interest, and curiosity are the antidotes to bid busters.
"Practicing this will make all the difference in your relationships."